“The realm of the soul is not light and airy, but more like mud: messy, wet, and fertile. Soul processes go on down there with the moss and the worm, down there with the decaying leaves, down there where death turns into life. Deeping into soul requires the courage to go underground, to stretch our roots into the dark, to writhe and curl and meander through rich, moist soil. In this darkness we find wisdom, not through glaring beam of will, but by following a wild, blind yet unfailing instinct that senses the essence in things that finds the nourishment to suck back into growth. “A secret and earthy “endarkenment is a transformative journey that summons to the depth of the soul. ” excerpt from: Meditation Secrets for Women / Camille Maurine.
Meditations on Becoming
I became a mom. But before that…. I invested tons of time and energy in community healing and running a business and teaching. I studied really hard. I focused my energy on creative ventures, building partnerships, slowly growing communities, focusing on goals and hitting many obstacles along the way. As obstacles do, they help to change and shape you. And then a new little life came into my own. A beautiful boy and actually there is another boy birthing into the world very soon. After all this pushing and manifesting, this intense period of working, and of course the work of mothering, and “pushing” – literally - a being into this world – there comes that period of “let-down”, “letting go or a “dropping in” if you will. A sort of earthy transition that comes from a deep decay of your old self, and with physical and mental exhaustion challenging your abilities to navigate what is happening, you finally realize you are dancing with two versions of your self. This is always the case in transition and transformation. The one version you know really well, as do most of the people around you- so they expect to be dealing with the version they know. ---(Now that dynamic is for a whole other blog post- trust me!) The emerging new self that is under the surface is still fermenting and cooking away old structures. The alchemical process of who emerges is yet to be discovered. A whole new manifestation of self is uncovered. Any woman knows this place, even if you never had kids, or you don’t plan to… this is just my current story of my own shape shifting. It is the real place of any soulful transformation. In the unraveling of my present life I am learning more about living my life for me. Releasing old learned conditions, reclaiming my own authority, and creating new connections in myself. How I relate to outside world also changes. Any healing journey requires some space into the realm of dying that places you in touch with that part of you that is slowly losing its preserved identity. Splitting you apart into little pieces and then when life chooses to- of course- in its own time and space begins to give you back fragments of yourself to shape and redefine your dance into the world. There is a true art in learning and letting life uncover itself for you. As I write this it is currently the new moon and the Hindu celebration of Lord Shiva – Maha Shivratri- where Shiva performed his dance of primordial creation, preservation, and destruction and the night of his marriage to Shakti- the force of feminine creative power. Together in union Shiva and Shakti merge and create the universe in all its manifestations. In all the fires of stripping away, the Shiva deity helps us in the death and destruction of our old ego self- (learned patterns) so that we can be reborn, and Shakti is the great mother of divine creation in all things to support the fertile growth of the power we all have inside to pursue our expression of passion and creative flow into the world. May any change or transition you encounter be received as a humble gift from the dance of love that gracefully carry you into whatever new form you are being shaped into. To help in times of transformative shape shifting make time to be tender with yourself and give yourself permission to be grounded and then unearthed, humbled and raw. Do what you need to do for you. Create a daily ritual during these times by purging your home, cleaning, building an altar, burning things, or happily grab yourself a new pair of shoes or better yet daily meditation. Blessings.